


(In)carnations

by sansonaxy



Category: GOT7
Genre: Alternate Universe - Fantasy, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Angst and Feels, Angst and Tragedy, Flashbacks, Implied/Referenced Depression, Kim Yugyeom-centric, Nature Magic, Supernatural Elements
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-11-12
Updated: 2019-02-26
Packaged: 2019-08-22 12:40:06
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,780
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16598105
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sansonaxy/pseuds/sansonaxy
Summary: Yugyeom finds himself withering amongst the sweetness of his favorite season.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> i was legitimately inspired by a dream I had of Yugyeom haha <3

A butterfly. He feels like a butterfly.

Fluttering, paper-thin wings fighting against the frigid winter breath. Glowing vivid blue an unexpectedly comforting sight amidst the heavy snow fall. 

"It's going to die..."

"Huh?"

He can already see the glittering drops of ice forming on the poor things wings and he shivers. "It's not going to make it," he tells BamBam.

"Dude, what are you talking about? The bug?" His friend laughs.

Yugyeom frowns. "It's a butterfly, it's going to freeze to death."

"And? We're going to freeze to death too if you don't hurry!" BamBam runs ahead, crying out at a particularly strong gust of wind. 

Yugyeom winces at the sting of the cold air, but he doesn't follow his friend. He turns to the butterfly. Its fallen. The spindly, freezing legs are working helplessly against the steadily dropping temperature.

Yugyeom hates winter. There's a dreariness to it that he can't quite shake and the incessant snow fall muddles everything around him in a sheet of stark, blinding white. He especially hates the air. The chilling winds bite at his tender skin and pierce every living thing until there's nothing but ice.

The butterfly scuttles rapidly to a house next to him and Yugyeom watches as the poor thing wills itself to climb a bundle of pure white poinsettias, but it can't. Its wings and legs are aching against the thin veil of frost slowly overtaking it, leaving it stuck not even halfway up the flower pot.

"Please don't move," Yugyeom pleads, but it can't even if it wanted to. The butterfly stays still as Yugyeom approaches, doesn't even flutter when the boy picks it up softly and guides it underneath one of the leaves. He even rearranges the petals, making a sort of cocoon shield against the snow for it.

"There you go," he smiles.

The butterfly doesn't respond (obviously) and he's not quite sure why he's talking to it in the first place, but he crouches there anyways, watching. Its wings are a brilliant, luminous shade of blue that fade into pure black but the frost makes it look transparent. Like it's fading. 

"You're still pretty," Yugyeom assures. "You should migrate before it gets too cold or--"

"Yugyeom, come on! Forget the stupid bug-- butterfly, whatever it is!" BamBam yells. 

"I'm coming!" Yugyeom yells back, suddenly aware of the whistling, bitter wind and how far behind he is. He kisses the tip of his finger.

"Stay safe." He grazes one of the wings delicately, and once again, the butterfly doesn't even flinch. 

He leaves, pulling his coat around himself tightly. The wind howls, stinging his cheeks and he draws the scarf around his ears tightly when he hears a faint whisper.

_"Thank you."_


	2. Chapter 2

"Mommy, are fairies real?"

"Of course! Who do you think protects our garden?"

"Hmm, are you sure?" Yugyeom asks, stroking his chin and narrowing his eyes dramatically. "I've never seen them!"

"Just because you can't see them doesn't mean they aren't real," his mom says for the millionth time.

"But I can't see them Mommy!" Yugyeom pouts.

She chuckles. "Can you see your heart Yugyeommie? No, right? But it's still real."

The boy frowns, thinking hard. "But I want to see them..."

His mother laughs, drawing him into her lap. "Do you really want to see the fairies Yugyeommie?"

He nods, excited. 

"Are you really sure?" She asks again, grinning at her boy.

"Yes!" he exclaims, beaming. "I want to see the flower fairies and the air fairies and the tree fairies and the water and fire fairies! I want to see them Mommy!"

"If I tell you, you have to promise to keep it a secret though," she teases.

"I will!" He promises, covering his mouth with his small hands. "L..k! I c..t..ev...n ta..k!" he says, muffled.

"Okay," his mother laughs. "First, we need a bowl...."

 

**

 

"Eww, I don't want to play with him!"

His heart clenches.

"Your face looks like a pig!"

He hates school.

"Haha your teeth are ugly!"

He hates his class, hates the boys and the girls and how mean they are to him.

"Teacher, can I have a different partner?"

But most of all, he hates himself.

"Fairies are fake! They're for girls!"

"They aren't fake! Shut up!"

"Are too!"

"Are not!" Yugyeom stomps, seething. 

"They're fake! Fake, fake, fake, fake, fake, FAKE!"

"Just because you don't see them doesn't mean they aren't real! Your heart is real but you can't see it, but it's real!" He quotes his mother.

His classmates ignore him, chanting. "Fake! Fake! Fake! Fairies are fake! Yugyeom is a baby! Fairies are fake!"

His eyes sting with tears, hands balled into small fists as he whimpers. He doesn't understand. He's never been mean to anyone ever, but everyone is so mean to him. They push him, call him names, exclude him, make fun of him when he's never even hurt them. 

"They're real!" He cries, shaking his head. "They're real, but you can't see them because you don't know the secret! Fairies are real!"

They ignore him, laughing. "Oooh, piggy is crying! He's a red, ugly, crybaby pig!"

"They. Are. REAL!" Yugyeom screeches, throwing himself to the ground and sobbing. "They're real, they're real, they're real!"

His classmates jump at his screams, scattering when they see the teacher crossing the playground. 

"Pig," one of them spats again before running.

 

**

 

"Yugyeomie? Did you hear me?"

"Huh?"

"I said did you have a good day at school? Are you okay?"

Yugyeom nods. "I'm tired Mommy."

"Hmm, are you sick?" She picks him up, feeling his forehead. "You're a bit warm."

He just nods again, but he sniffles. "I-I'm tired Mommy."

"Yugyeommie, what's wrong, what hurts baby?" She coos when she sees her sons eyes glistening with tears. 

"I'm tired Mommy," he whines, burying his face into her shoulder to cry. "I'm a pig Mommy! I'm tired!"

She almost laughs, but her blood runs cold when she feels the tear on her shirt. "A pig? Yugyeommie, what's going on? Did something happen at school?"

Her son sniffles, whimpering.

She sighs, lifting his head. "Yugyeom, what happened?"

The boy pouts, shaking his head.

"Did someone call you a pig, baby?"

He shrugs.

"Yugyeom," she warns. "Do you want me to call the teacher?"

"N-No!" He finally says.

"Okay, I won't but you have to tell me. Was someone being mean to you at school?"

Her son nods and her heart clenches at the sight of his downcast chubby, tear-stained cheeks and red eyes. Children can be so ruthless.

"Oh, baby," she sighs, hugging him tightly. "You're not a pig baby, you know that right? If you're a pig, then that means you have a piggy Mommy and a piggy Daddy, but none of us are pigs, right? We aren't piggies, so you can't be a piggy either!"

"But Mommy...." Yugyeom croaks. "They said fairies aren't real."

Her heart almost shatters. Kids are so, so mean to one another.

"Oh, Yugyeommie it's not their fault they can't see them. They aren't special like you are."

He looks up at her, confused. "I'm special...?"

"Of course you are! Not just anyone can see fairies, even if you know the secret sometimes the fairies don't want to see you."

"Really...?" He wipes at his eyes, expectant. 

"Mhm, even if you do it right the fairies don't come unless they think you're special! Fairies don't just choose anyone Yugyeommie." 

"I'm special...?"

"You are, baby," she assures, kissing his forehead softly. "You're special, my Yugyeommie."

 

**

"Daddy....Can you see the fairies?"

"No, Yugyeom....I can't."

"I think Mommy is with them."

"Is...Is she happy?" His fathers voice breaks.

Yugyeom nods. "I think she says she's sorry. Don't be sorry Mommy...! I-I'll take care of D-Daddy!"

He doesn't hear the crack in his own voice, can't feel the tears spilling down his face. The only thing he registers are his fathers arms around him and the familiar whispers of a kiss on his forehead.

_"My precious Yugyeommie."_


	3. Chapter 3

"Do you believe in fairies?" 

"Uh, no."

"They're real."

"Hm. Do you believe in ghosts?"

"No, I don't think so."

"Well, they're real too."

Yugyeom frowns. "I've never seen one."

"Well I've never seen a fairy before, but you say they're real," the other boy huffs.

"Just because you can't see it doesn't mean it isn't real." He can't remember the last time he'd argued with someone about this. "You can't see your brain, but you know it's there....Hopefully."

"Haha, very funny...Are fairies pretty?"

Yugyeom smiles softly. "There are different types of fairies, but flower fairies are the prettiest. Their wings are always glittery and when they fly it's like you can see colors forming in the air...Are ghosts scary?"

"Some of them," the boy admits. "Those are more like evil spirits though. What we call ghosts are just people who can't move on. They either stay because they can't go or because they don't want to. They might want to protect someone or just stick around and watch."

Yugyeom frowns again. "Watch what?"

"People," the boy shrugs. "My mom says only the ones who've changed the world stay and watch. They want to see the world grow."

Yugyeom nods. That makes sense.

"Have you ever seen a ghost then?"

The boy nods slowly. "It's usually more a feeling, but yeah. My dad....He uh didn't change the world or anything but I know he's still here protecting me and my family."

Yugyeom hums in understanding. "My mom-- she isn't there anymore but she used to stay with them-- the fairies. She would check on me and dad to make sure we weren't ruining her garden." He chuckles to himself, a bit sad. "I don't see her with them anymore...but I know she's here. I get that feeling too."

The loss of his mother would always be heavy in his heart but Yugyeom found himself unusually comfortable around this guy. It'd been ages since he'd talk to another person like this. His dad wasn't like his mom.

His mother was magical. She could talk for hours, about anything. His mom believed in what she felt, not only what she could see and she made sure Yugyeom could too. It was her who explained the beauty of nature, taught him to always appreciate and preserve it in him and his father.

It was harder to do so in his dad though. Yugyeom would ask him for help in the garden and it was like he could see his father's heart shattering all over again. It was harder with his father. A lot harder.

The boy however, nods again. "Yeah, me too I get that....Hey, what was your name again?"

"Yugyeom. Kim Yugyeom."

"Cool. You can call me BamBam."

 

**

 

"Yugyeom, dude come on they're almost here!"

"Gimme a second, I'm almost done!" Yugyeom all but screeches back and plunges his hands into the cool, moist dirt of the flower bed. 

It's a lovely spring day, the perfect time for he and BamBam to invite their friends over to wreak havoc on their house. Yugyeoms been planting and rearranging all day but only has about half the yard done.

"Should we order piz--?!" BamBam yells again.

"What?!"

"Should we order pizza or chicken?" BamBam asks again, standing in the doorway of their kitchen.

"Hmm, I want chicken but hyungs might be in a mood for pizza." Yugyeom stands, pulling off his gloves. He's done for the day. "Order both."

"Yeah, you're right. It's looking pretty good out here by the way," his friend comments, looking around appreciatively. 

"I still have a lot left, but thanks," Yugyeom beams.

Spring is in full swing and he is ready for it. It's his favorite season, a time of delight and renewal with blooming colors of pink, blues, yellows, and cool greens. The backyard's been in absolute disarray for the past two days since Yugyeom started digging things and up, re-arranging and re-planting but BamBam doesn't question it. He knows the end results are always beautiful and if he's lucky, Yugyeom might even let him use the garden for a photo shoot.

"I'm gonna go ahead and order the food but everyone is on their way. So hurry and finish."

They make their way back into the house, BamBam ordering the food while Yugyeom pours himself a small bowl of milk. He adds a drop or two of honey and mixes it together gently, making sure to sprinkle the littlest bit of sugar before heading back outside.

He makes his way to the far corner of the backyard where it isn't as messy.

Their backyard isn't anything extraordinary but Yugyeom loves it. It's a decent size and when he's through with it, there'll be flowers of all kinds circling the perimeter and in the center, he'll have his masterpiece.

The birdcage. His birdcage is his centerpiece, the signature that makes the garden his. It's a classic, white, cylindrical birdcage that sits on a pedestal in the middle of the yard but he doesn't use it for the birds. Instead, he paints it and decorates it with his favorite flower of the year.

Two years ago it was a soft, mint green, stuffed with bunches of lilies of the valley. The tiny, bell-shaped and delicate flowers were some of the first ones he learned to grow. They were a beautiful, unexpected addition to his usual decorations.

Last year, the cage was baby blue and adorned with the brightest pink begonias he could find. They would curl around the cage like a serpent, their stunning rosy pink captivating everyone. BamBam had at least three different photoshoots that year.

This year, Yugyeom's thinking of painting it white but he's stuck between familiar, warm bundles of marigolds and a new flower he's been interested in.

Night Sky Petunias.

The brilliant purple and blue flowers are sprinkled with bright white spots that contrast _exquisitely_ with the deep purple-blue hue around it, giving it an otherworldly, cosmic appearance. The petals look mystical, like they hold _galaxies_ in every leaf and it's stunning in every sense of the word. Yugyeom finds himself entranced by it every time, unable to tear his eyes away from the way the white flecks seem to glow like stars.

He's admittedly a bit more in love with this new flower, but marigolds hold a special place in his heart. Spring has just started though, so he can think more about it later. He has time but he also wants to ensure his garden will be just as perfect this year. That's where the milk and honey comes in.

Some people (his hyungs), think he's too old to still believe in things like this. Things like fairies, ghosts, and Santa Claus are supposed to be tricks and stories for a childs mind but Yugyeom knows what he's seen. Granted, the last time he remembers clearly seeing a fairy was when he was around fourteen. BamBam hasn't seen a ghost or spirit or whatever since high school though and no one tells him anything (usually).

Nowadays, the most BamBam gets is the occasional feeling when they're out and about but never in their house. Yugyeom only sees whisps. He sees the whisps of color, hovering in the air and disappearing as quickly as they come or even a thin, glittering flash out the corner of his eye that's equally elusive.

Either way, he doesn't care. Every spring and summer he puts a small bowl of milk and honey, cream, or even a tiny bit of cake to ensure his garden will be blessed and protected.

His friends (sans BamBam, they have an established understanding with each other) will call him crazy each year, but Yugyeom doesn't hate them for it. He loves them (most of the time) but they're like the kids from school. They only believe in things they can see and since they won't ever give it a chance, Yugyeom can't convince them. It's okay though, their group doesn't usually talk about things like that anyway.

Speaking of them, Yugyeom is almost positive he hears the familiar squeals of the one and only Jackson Wang so he sets the bowl down quickly on the cobblestones that encase the actual garden part of the yard.

"Enjoy," he says into the air, smiling. "Tomorrow I'll try to buy some cream."

He jogs back to the house, smile growing when he sees a faint sparkle in the corner of his vision as soon as he turns.

His mother had told him the older you get, the harder it is to believe. Yugyeom disagrees.

His faith has only grown.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In case you couldn't tell, I LOVE flowers a lot haha. I ended up ranting a bit but the Night Sky Petunia is real and [ it](https://im.indiatimes.in/facebook/2017/Jun/eeeeeeee_1497437093.jpg?h=420&w=800&cc=1) is gorgeous.
> 
> Also! If you didn't know, fairies really like sweet things. They enjoy cream, honey, milk, etc. Legend has it that you can attract them by leaving these things out and they will appreciate it and help you.


End file.
